A reflection by Mary Lou Edgar for June 11, 2023.

Recently I read the best-selling book, Demon Copperhead, written by a Pulitzer Prize winning author, Barbara Kingsolver.

Many warned me that this book was disturbing and that I would not enjoy it. However, that was not true. There were many themes in the book but the one that spoke to me the loudest was the resilience exhibited by the main character, Demon. Demon demonstrated great resilience no matter what he was facing. And much of what he was facing was horrible and sad.

The setting for the book is the lower portion of Appalachia, which is where I grew up. I knew I would read it, and I knew it would be unsettling. But it surprised me because even though it was very disconcerting, I found it to be incredibly realistic.

As an adoption/foster care caseworker and a family therapist, I have encountered many neglected and abused children. It would tear my heart out. Occasionally, I would encounter an incredibly resilient child. I always listened carefully to that child and learned about his/her survival. As I listened, I learned and felt honored to do so.

But what exactly is resilience?

According to the dictionary it is “the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficult circumstances.” As with most definitions, that seems somewhat insignificant. The people of Appalachia are incredibly resilient, just as many of the disadvantaged people in Wilmington are. They are poor, they may not have the same degree of education or health care as others, and they struggle to meet their own needs and the needs of their families. Although there are differences in their ancestors, they are similar in that they meet many challenges that would render most of us helpless. The definition does not give credence to that at all.

When I was a young therapist, I was told not to mention spiritual issues with clients. The longer I worked, the more I realized that much of what led to their ability to deal with awful experiences was their belief in God. I came to see that it was not fair to my clients to not mention their relationship with God as that was a major component of their resilience. They did not judge themselves when they were angry at God; rather, they accepted what happened and believed that God would support them through the problem.

A major difference between these people and the ones I encountered later in life was that they accepted so much without question. Their expectations were valid. If they lost their business, they would build it back. They didn’t expect others to build it back for them (although help that was offered was usually accepted). They worked hard, prayed hard and were proud of what they accomplished. Resilient people do not feel sorry for themselves.

We all know of resilient people.

Think of Nelson Mandella, Maya Angelo, and C.S. Lewis. Resilient people don’t have to be the smartest people; however, they must pay attention when things happen, give them great thought, and have the courage and the persistence to move ahead.

As I look at the Gospel, I realize that Jesus – though divine – was resilient. His disciples became resilient after spending time learning from Jesus. They were often scared, but they moved forward. Resilience often means taking risks. Most resilient people have a strong faith in something. We have all seen resilient people. We see their confidence in their ability to try.

Once, when I was leading a therapy group for children who had been abused, I asked them what resilience meant. One child (8 years old) said that it means “no matter how many times you get knocked down, you always get back up.” Although his life was challenging, he grew up to be successful.

Believing that God is with us as makes us almost unbeatable.

We may get knocked down, but we know how to get back up. Through prayer and experiences, I think I have developed quite a bit of resilience. Look at your own life, are you a resilient person?

“I can be changed by what happened to me but I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelo

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mary Lou Edgar, MSS, is a clinical social worker who founded A Better Chance for Our Children, an adoption and foster care agency that works to find permanent homes for children in the foster care system.  Mary Lou was the Executive Director of ABCFOC, but she is now retired.  She graduated from Neumann University and Bryn Mawr School of Social Work and Social Research. She and her husband joined SsAM in 2021.

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