A reflection by Mary Lou Edgar for Easter Sunday, March 31, 2024.
Easter Sunday is such a celebratory time!
Throughout Lent we have attempted to pray, fast, treat others kindly, and make ourselves and our world a better place. Whenever I get to Easter, I have a tendency to feel like I just crossed the finish line. But then I take some time to think about what I learned and what is different because of my Lenten work.
Each year before Ash Wednesday, I determine what I will do for Lent. I have done this since I was young when I focused on giving up something I loved. As I got older, and particularly after I was married and had children, I began to focus on what I could do differently. In the beginning, I was okay with maybe one thing – I will not scream at my children. I will be calm and firm. Since I realized early on, I was not too successful with this, I began to write down when I lost my temper. That helped me see what I was doing and possibly why. But it led me to another place. I needed to do a better job taking responsibility for my actions and asking for God’s help when I was ready to fly off the handle.
Over the years I learned about me and, during prayer, realized some not-so-wonderful things about myself.
At first it was difficult but as time went on and I grew older, it became grist for the mill, and I began to anticipate Lent positively and think about what I learned throughout the year. I would like to briefly share some of those things with you.
I am a perfectionist. It doesn’t matter where it came from, I realize it gets in the way of good relationships and leads to animosity – often with people I care deeply about. It also challenges my expectations of others because I want them to be perfectionists too. I can be incredibly judgmental. I have worked for many years trying to reserve my opinion of things until I have pondered them – both in thought and in prayer. I have a terrible temper. It doesn’t get out much, but when it does, it can be scary. Over the years I have learned that when I am angry, I need to step back and use words to solve problems rather than try to ignore them until I burst. I am a sensitive person and I’m aware of when I hurt someone’s feelings or speak harshly. I try to rectify this as soon as I can but sometimes, I’m not the best at it.
Those are a few of the things I have learned about myself during my past Lents. BUT I have also learned other things. I have seen a goodness in myself that I wasn’t always aware was there. I have a wonderful sense of humor. I am a strong woman. I have encountered some tough things in my life, but it has been a really long time since I have felt alone – God is always with me. The last eight years have been challenging, but I look at them now and realize that what I learned in the first part of my life equipped me to deal with the second part. Most importantly, I am grateful! No matter what happens, I have learned to find the lesson and grow with it. Believe me, there are times when that can make me really unsettled.
All in all, I have decided that I am okay with who I am even with all the snags and glitches.
I truly believe God does not make junk so that makes me okay. However, it does mean I have to work hard on the model God made because I’m not sure it will ever be complete until She and I meet. In the meantime, I find it refreshing to look at myself as a fallible human being. I am so grateful for this church and for the people in it; and I have learned that I really like children – probably better than adults but time will tell. We have a great gift in this parish, and we are growing together. I have taken a risk sharing some of myself but it feels good. Thank you for being my church family! Happy Easter!!!!
“The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation.”
—Psalm 118; 14
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mary Lou Edgar, MSS, is a clinical social worker who founded A Better Chance for Our Children, an adoption and foster care agency that works to find permanent homes for children in the foster care system. Mary Lou was the Executive Director of ABCFOC, but she is now retired. She graduated from Neumann University and Bryn Mawr School of Social Work and Social Research. She and her husband joined SsAM in 2021.
